In a statement that has sent shockwaves through Nigerian social media and reignited debates about gender roles and marital expectations, veteran Nollywood actress Toyin Adegbola, popularly known as Toyin Tomato, has urged married women to remain in their marriages despite their husbands’ infidelities. The controversial advice, delivered in her native Yoruba language, has sparked a fierce national conversation about the nature of marriage, women’s rights, and the role of public figures in shaping societal norms.
Adegbola shared her views on marital stability and infidelity. Speaking candidly, the actress stated, “I have always told women that no matter how ‘mad’ your husband is, never think of sending him out nor you packing out of your matrimonial home because it will end in a begging spree when your kids want to do something important in future.”
She went on to advise women to “sit in your marital home and be begging him,” while also encouraging them to protect themselves from potential health risks associated with their husbands’ infidelity.
The reaction to Adegbola’s statements has been swift and polarized, reflecting the complex attitudes towards marriage and gender roles in contemporary Nigerian society.
Social media platforms have been ablaze with commentary. Twitter user @NigerianFeminist wrote: “This kind of advice sets women’s rights back by decades. We should be empowering women to make choices that ensure their safety and happiness, not trapping them in potentially dangerous situations.
Conversely, some have supported Adegbola’s stance. Facebook user Olumide Akintunde commented: “Toyin Tomato is speaking from experience. Marriage is not easy, and sometimes staying is better for the children and the family unit.
Dr. Oluwaseun Adebayo, a sociologist specializing in gender studies at the University of Lagos, offers a critical perspective on Adegbola’s advice:
“While the intention may be to preserve family units, this kind of advice can be deeply problematic. It places the entire burden of marital stability on women and potentially normalizes abusive or unfaithful behavior from men. We need to be promoting healthier relationship dynamics that respect both partners.
Relationship counselor Chinyere Okafor adds, “Every marriage is unique, and blanket advice like this can be dangerous. While reconciliation is possible in some cases of infidelity, it’s crucial that women feel empowered to make decisions that prioritize their well-being and that of their children. Sometimes, leaving is the healthiest option.”
One of the more controversial aspects of Adegbola’s advice was her suggestion that women should protect themselves from potential infections resulting from their husbands’ infidelity. She shared an anecdote about a friend who provides condoms to her husband when he travels.
Dr. Funmi Akingbade, a sexual health expert, comments on this approach:
“While it’s important to protect oneself from STIs, the solution isn’t to accept infidelity as inevitable. Couples should be encouraged to have open, honest conversations about sexual health and fidelity. Providing condoms might seem practical, but it could also be seen as tacit approval of extramarital affairs.”
As the debate continues to unfold on social media and in homes across Nigeria, many are calling for a more nuanced discussion of marriage, infidelity, and gender roles.
The controversy sparked by Toyin Adegbola’s statements has shed light on the complex and often contradictory attitudes towards marriage and gender roles in contemporary Nigerian society. As the nation grapples with balancing traditional values and modern expectations, the words of public figures like Adegbola will continue to play a significant role in shaping the discourse.
Whether one agrees or disagrees with her advice, it’s clear that Toyin “Tomato” Adegbola has sparked a crucial conversation about the nature of marriage, the rights of women, and the evolving dynamics of relationships in 21st century Nigeria. As the debate rages on, one can only hope that it leads to more open, honest, and equitable discussions about love, commitment, and personal autonomy in the context of marriage.
