Nollywood actor Daniel Etim-Effiong has ignited a conversation about cultural expectations in modern marriages after playfully questioning why his wife Toyosi no longer kneels to serve him as she did during their traditional wedding ceremony. The exchange, which took place during an episode of the couple’s podcast, offers a glimpse into the complex navigation of cultural traditions within contemporary Nigerian marriages.
During the podcast discussion, Daniel humorously recalled their traditional wedding ceremony, where Toyosi had knelt to serve him cake—a customary gesture in many Nigerian cultures symbolizing respect from wife to husband. With evident mischief in his tone, he questioned why this practice hadn’t continued beyond their wedding day.
“Why can’t you kneel down and serve me? You know when we did our traditional wedding, you knelt down to give me cake. So why haven’t you ever done that since after our marriage? Let’s talk about that,” Daniel asked his wife, opening what became a revealing conversation about cultural expectations and their personal interpretations of tradition.
Toyosi’s response highlighted an interesting perspective, reminding Daniel that he, too, had abandoned a similar gesture after their engagement. She noted that while he had knelt to propose marriage—a Western tradition widely adopted in Nigeria—he hadn’t repeated this act of humility since their wedding day either.
Daniel was quick to defend the disparity, invoking cultural norms to explain the difference. “I haven’t done that since proposing because traditionally the man shouldn’t be kneeling. I’m your lord and you fail to recognize that, I’m your husbandman,” he said, before pivoting to a broader question about culture’s role in modern relationships: “But yeah, what role does culture play in a relationship? How positive is culture in a relationship?”
What makes this exchange particularly intriguing is Toyosi’s astute observation about cultural origins. She pointed out that the practice of women kneeling isn’t actually indigenous to Daniel’s Efik cultural background, questioning the authenticity of his expectation.
“It’s funny for us because women don’t kneel in your culture, the Efik culture, so it’s not like it’s something you grew up seeing and longing for your wife to kneel sort of thing,” Toyosi remarked, highlighting how cultural practices can sometimes be selectively adopted or emphasized.
Daniel acknowledged this reality but countered by noting his own cultural adaptations. But I’ve lived in Lagos all my life and I understand Yoruba culture. I even find myself bowing to greet the elderly, Efik men don’t do that, we don’t bow. We stand upright and say hello sir,” he explained. I started doing that because of where I am and because I married you, a Yoruba woman. I don’t mind doing it, I’d bow for the elders. You’d kneel for the elders so why can’t you kneel for me?”
This exchange, while delivered with humor and affection, touches on deeper themes that resonate with many Nigerian couples navigating marriage across cultural lines. Nigeria, with over 250 ethnic groups, each with distinct traditions regarding marriage and gender roles, presents a complex landscape for intercultural couples to navigate.
Cultural anthropologists note that traditional practices around respect and deference in Nigerian marriages are increasingly being reexamined by younger couples, particularly those with higher education and urban lifestyles. The kneeling gesture, common in Yoruba culture as a sign of respect from wives to husbands, has become one such practice that couples are reinterpreting within their own relationship dynamics.
Daniel and Toyosi Etim-Effiong represent a growing demographic of Nigerian celebrity couples who openly discuss the evolution of their relationships and how they navigate traditional expectations in a changing society. As public figures—Daniel with his successful acting career and Toyosi as a content creator and entrepreneur—their perspectives on these matters carry influence with their audience.
What makes their conversation particularly valuable is how it demonstrates negotiation around cultural practices rather than rigid adherence or wholesale rejection. Their willingness to discuss these matters openly provides a window into how many Nigerian couples may be approaching similar conversations in private.
For many observers, the playful nature of their exchange suggests a relationship built on mutual respect and open communication, regardless of who physically kneels for whom. The fact that they can joke about these traditionally sensitive topics indicates a level of comfort and security in their relationship that transcends rigid cultural norms.
Marriage counselors often highlight that successful intercultural marriages tend to involve this kind of conscious decision-making about which traditions to maintain, adapt, or discard. Rather than defaulting to practices simply because “that’s how things are done,” couples like the Etim-Effiongs appear to be thoughtfully considering the meaning and relevance of various customs in their unique relationship context.
The conversation also reflects broader societal shifts occurring throughout Nigeria, where increasing urbanization, education, and exposure to global perspectives are influencing how couples structure their relationships. While many still value traditional expressions of respect, there’s growing emphasis on the substance of respect rather than just its ceremonial manifestations.
Daniel and Toyosi’s podcast exchange, while light-hearted in delivery, touches on questions many Nigerian couples face: Which cultural traditions enhance our relationship? Which ones need reinterpretation? And how do we honor our cultural heritage while building a partnership that works for us specifically?
As they continue to share glimpses of their marriage through their public platforms, the Etim-Effiongs join other Nigerian celebrity couples who are modeling new ways of navigating traditional expectations while maintaining cultural connections that matter to them. Their willingness to discuss these topics publicly contributes to an evolving conversation about marriage in contemporary Nigerian society.
Whether or not Toyosi ultimately decides to kneel when serving her husband remains a personal choice within their relationship. What seems clear from their exchange is that both partners feel free to question, challenge, and reinterpret cultural expectations—perhaps the most important foundation for building a marriage that honors tradition while embracing change.
